Slow burn, just to come back stronger

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Slow Burn

I always felt at home with the weights. This was my sense ever since playing high school football. It was one of the few things I knew about being a man. 

Weights keep me centered. Have since the age of 14. Always will.

Last post I explored more is caught than taught. It’s so true. You find men you want to be like in life and emulate them. 

The men I looked up to in my life were men who generally worked with strength training. 

When I was about 5, there was the massive guy in the YMCA fitness center in Edwardsville, Ill. Someone there told me he played for the Chicago Bears. That oak of a man was impressive. He was a picture of what a boy could become with work.

I also saw outdated weight equipment at my mom’s boyfriend’s apartment. Didn’t know what it was used for. Just knew it was important to him—Jose Manzano. Means Jose apple tree. 

Weights keep you centered because they show you controlled resistance. That is something you want in your life, because you will face resistance. 

Every day you have various pressures coming at you. Like defensive tackles and linebackers in the NFL, just breathing down your neck. But these pressures are actually real. Good thing there is an answer.

One of my life values is “make physical exercise a priority.”

It should be for every person to some degree. Everything in life is a test. 

My wife recently said because I’ve been lifting heavier weights, taking creatine, I’ve become testy. This could be the case due to the increased testosterone it builds inside. So, I have backed off (Lesson—listen to your wife!). And ramped up cardio training. 

For the best life some physical training is essential. 

As a believer in Christ, my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). And God allows us to fall into destruction when we choose not to honor these temples He has given us. 

Do you want to be masculine? Fall for the exercise of the temple. Also fall short of worshipping it…  

The Lord has put in our own systems the endorphin rush after a vigorous run. Or the building of testosterone after a lift. This builds confidence. It helps us defend our families. This assists us in making key decisions at work calmly. 

And a supercharged adrenaline burst, while doing a High Intensity Interval Training such as burpees, engages your whole body. 

These systems are divinely ordained to function just as they do so we can be better men. They give us increased focus, better mood, and strength, in a world seeking to strip us of it. 

These are only a few reasons why the gym is my friend. It always has been, and always will be. 

I always felt at home with the weights.

Resistance is a metaphor. Well, sort of. 

Life will test you with bills, interpersonal conflict, work struggle, doubt…just to name a few. 

But one controlled burn…ahh. 

One controlled burn we can engage in is gym work. 

Where I live in central Illinois, prairie land is all around. People actually burn it in these parts to help the land revive the following season. 

After growing back, the grass is lusher and fuller of life. 

Do you have a controlled burn? Do you have something you are engaging in that burns you down to your core? Then afterward it builds you back up?

My friend Dirk Sommers was enthralled after becoming a football coach. He was surprised when he told them what to do and they just listened. 

But he said he was hard on them, because, the tearing down exists, to build them back stronger. 

This is how my football coach was. And I can attribute most of my accomplishments in life to him. Scott Tonsor was so instrumental in my development because he burned me in a controlled environment. 

Everyone knew he wasn’t going to smack me. He never laid a hand on us.

That wasn’t the point. 

But he challenged me. Challenged us. And he did this so we could be something better. This was his angle. He told me later that motivates some kids. And thank God I was one of those kids 

Some players received motivation elsewhere. Me, I needed the structure. Needed the rules, needed the hard burn. 

And in the weights, it’s the same way. 

You can go in there, listen, stay off your phone, and the weights will speak to you. 

They will challenge you. How much can you lift today? 

Are you going to push yourself or scroll? 

Will you burn yourself to the core in here today? Will you be a stronger man when you leave here? 

A man more equipped to serve your family? To protect the weak and vulnerable in your neighborhood and society at large?

Are you willing to let these weights burn you, that you may eat some quality protein afterward, get built up, bigger, stronger, faster than you were the day before? So your mind can be clearer to face life’s myriad challenges soberly, eagerly with a positive attitude?

Be a producer. Not a consumer. And the way you do that and do it with comprehensive vigor is through the weights and cardiovascular exercise such as running. 

Serve people, but you must also help yourself. 

Slow burn. 

Controlled fire. 

Come up stronger. 

Repeat.

Period.  

More is caught than taught

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You can be an overcomer, though it’s not easy. But every worthwhile accomplishment takes work. 

Fatherlessness effected me more than words can say. I’ll say from the outset my biological dad and I are on good terms now. I can go to him for anything, and he would listen.

But the lack of that influence of simply being around stunted my growth as a boy, as a man, and as a human being. 

It had to do the same for him in his dad-less home. 

“As he grew from a little boy to a man, he never felt the scratch of a father’s whiskers. Never heard his dad’s soothing voice reading him a bedtime story. Never tossed about a ball in the backyard. Never had his hair tussled, never wrestled, and never heard a truck door at the end of the day indicating that a dad was about to reenter the family orbit. So he was basically left to guess how to be a man, husband, and father (Patrick Morley in a Rapt interview https://raptinterviews.com/features/patrick-morley).”

 

So this blog is more about showing you masculinity. 

How to not guess, so you don’t walk in ignorance. This is so other men without fathers or with fathers who are there only in body and not in spirit, can take heart. 

I did it. I grew up to be a productive member of society, earning a college degree, writing a couple of books, seeing 2/3 of the United States. You can do big things, too. 

This blog is meant to give you courage, confidence, and support. 

And I will say, I am a Christian. My favorite thing to do in life is to walk with young men in their struggles. To pray for them, and to see them become like Jesus.  

I base my life on the teachings, the death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. He can heal your most broken places. 

But no matter where you are—serving God or not—we all need men of character who can show us masculinity in a positive way. 

 

My head football coach, Scott Tonsor, was a man’s man. He stood a solid-framed 6’2”, about 220 pounds, and had a full mustache and head of hair that looked like fire. 

And he yelled. That seemed pretty cool to a fatherless boy. 

He was only 11 years older, so it was more like he was a big brother than a domineering father, but he filled both roles for me. 

One day in the summer as my friends and fellow teammates were preparing to drive to a seven-on-seven scrimmages, I quickly considered my options. 

Would I go with my buddies where we would smoke cigarettes and tell perverted jokes before we compete in something that was extrememly special?

Or would I go with Coach, who had more wisdom and passion than all of us combined?

It was a choice I had to make as I walked out to the vehicles behind the school where we met. I went with Coach. And that made all the difference. 

Though we didn’t say much (we were both of German stock in a rural farming town—that could have been it), every once in a while he would ask me a question, eyes burning with fire. Most of the time more is caught than taught. 

And we made these trips over and over during those hot summer days.

He loved coaching football, and everyone around him could tell it was his life’s passion. Tonsor just loved running practices, strategizing during Friday night games, the thrill of triumph. This was his bread and butter, and he ate it up.

 

More is caught than taught. When you are with someone you admire, you can catch more from them just by being around them. 

So take ownership of your life. 

Find a man you admire with integrity. 

Sit with him. Walk with him. Work with him. Ask questions about 

what you want to assimilate into your own life. 

 

what we can learn from An era without excuses

The oldest picture of my amazing grandfather that comes to mind is one of him holding the reins to a young cow next to my grandmother. He was young and lean. They couldn’t have been out of their teen years. 

He couldn’t play sports like I did so he could help his family on the farm survive. 

His father passed away when he was only 13 years old, when he assumed responsibility for his younger brother, their mother, and the family estate.

These are the circumstances he had. This is the hand he was dealt. 

And he was a man’s man. 

A few years later he went off to World War II to become a radioman over the Pacific Ocean. The Greatest Generation didn’t know excuses. They just showed up. 

Former U.S. President Ronald Reagan

He didn’t let his children slide as they grew up, just as his mom and dad didn’t let him. 

You had to show up in the morning even before going to school for the little family assembly line to work.

This was so you could even make it. 

There were no “if’s, and’s or but’s” about it. 

My aunts and uncles had to milk cows, feed cattle, my mother even had to slaughter rabbits as a girl (I’ll spare you the details). This was rural life in the late 1950’s and early 1960’s. 

I used to consider my grandpa—second generation from Germany– to be a hard man, which he was—mentally. 

And all this stemmed from a lifestyle of making zero excuses.

Courtesy of Barbara Olsen via Pexels

Excuses are bad for the family, bad for the community and bad for society. And I am not aiming to glorify the harsh realities my predecessors lived through. That’s not my point. 

I am just saying what they went through made them better human beings, with greater character than if they were left to their own impulses.

The trick is to giving any excuse made as a teaching moment for your children. This will not be acceptable because _____

Not to be mean-spirited, but to let your children know why you won’t tolerate foolish behavior. To let them know the results from someone who has been there.

Though he was hard on his own children, he never came down on me, though he wouldn’t tolerate stupidity. He didn’t allow excuses.

Disallowing excuses is one of the greatest—mark my words—gifts a man can give to his children. This is coming from someone who was not raised with a father. 

It teaches them there are rules. Without adherence to rules, you will become a rogue, testing the limits too far…way too far. 

This I did occasionally, and was allowed to suffer the consequences. And you know what?

I was better off for it! I thank God for my grandfather, who I will rejoice with in heaven one day!

According to one family story passed down, grandpa let my Uncle deal with the consequences as well. 

It goes like this:

Uncle Lou—he must’ve been in only about third grade—he and a friend got in their minds they would take a bus out west to become cowboys. 

Well, my grandfather met him at the bus stop. 

He took him back home, and gave him the most righteous butt-whipping a father ever gave his son. That was harsh. But a boy without peach fuzz being saved from a dangerous, hundreds-of-miles fantasy met the punishment. 

If there ever was a righteous series of spanks—that was it!

In fact, the scriptures have something to say about this:

“Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him (Proverbs 13:24).”

As grandpa didn’t let them get away with things, nor did my grandmother, you can behold the fruit of their tutelage. 

Of their five children who survived (two twins died in infancy), they became:

A software developer, high school Spanish teacher, coal miner, convenience store owner/journalist for a daily newspaper, and a manager for two parts dealerships.

No excuses there. They got up, got going and didn’t look back. These were productive members of their respective households who raised their families, and took care of their responsibilities. 

Because they took responsibility for their homes, they in turn became productive members of society.  

These aunts and uncles did not make excuses for getting the job done. Because when you begin to make excuses, it is easier to excuse another moral defect, or bad choice you made. Before long, you’re swimming in regret.

Your family suffers for it. So does your neighborhood, your community. Then your nation. 

Thank you, God, for parents who hold their children to a standard.

Before signing off, what excuses are you making in your life?

Equality of Outcome, equality of opportunity and communism

Thomas Jefferson has been attributed to the quote: “Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty.”

Without vigilance we pay a steep price, and its more than we can afford. 

Men love to compete in America. A man has intrinsic ambition built in him—to adventure, to explore, to suck the marrow out of life, to make this a better place. A man inwardly wants to go out and accomplish something. Earn his way. Make a difference and blaze a trail. 

Many women are adventurous too. But here I want to focus on men, because there is a cultural emphasis now to feminize men, to make them ashamed for how they are wired, to mold them into something they are not. 

Take participation awards for example…sheesh. Men don’t want something they have not earned. Men are wired to compete.

He wants to, in his nature, do to the best of his ability whatever God has put in his heart to do, (Colossians 3:23), as though doing it unto God Himself. This is in the heart of a man.

This is why when a man finds his “passion” in life, it is as though he can see for the first time. The blinders have fallen off his eyes. Now he has meaning. He sees the reason he was put here! 

Equality of outcome—assigning jobs to people of a specific group—strips the spirit of it all. We skate on thin ice, generally speaking, when we do this.

My father is black. I grew up in a rural Illinois town of 5,000 people that was literally 99.9% non-black. One black kid lived in my hometown less than five years—the entire time I grew up there. 

I was a minority. Though I experienced occasional racism by some classmates, never did I sense I was genuinely passed over some significant opportunity due to race—surely not sports, not employment. 

Another type of equality was there—equality of opportunity—20 years ago. It still is. I had equal chances with the other kids in town.

I have not been called back for interviews time and time again. And it’s not because I’m of mixed race—it’s often because of my temperament. I’m a really nice guy. 

Positions I have applied for are often in communications which I was trained in. These positions are competitive. People will not just roll over and let you take these jobs. 

You have to want them more than the next guy. You have to be hungry. 

When you start to hand out jobs due to someone’s ethnicity, gender, or gender expression, the game is rigged, and the competitive man knows it before he engages. Now remember, the spirit of competition is the lifeblood of the free marketplace. That spirit, that drive brimming in the hearts of good, honest men is what drives innovation. 

It is the intangible force that brings the greatest ingenuity of these times bubbling to the surface and spilling over.  

We have to proceed with caution when we make workplace quotas—ensuring people of certain groups fill enough roles in a given organization due to lack of representation. When we start to lump individuals into categories, we to some degree negate their unique contributions. This idea trends toward socialism, and socialism leans toward communism.

If I am in a communist or even fully socialist society, why should I work hard? What is the motivation if the government will simply take care of me no matter what?

And this philosophy strips men of their God-given drive, their desire to be the leader of their house, and provide for their bride, to hunt and gather for her, and honor her as a queen.

The first practitioners of communism as a government form could not equalize the quality of life for all men nor, after they had the power in their maniacal grips, did they even desire that end. In fact, they heavily distorted the image of what we would call equality. 

See, when the structure requires everyone to be equal, human nature will take over, someone will take control to “steer the ship”, and there you have centralized power. The imbalance in power you wanted to avoid in theory, has become incomparably worse in practice.

Steal from the rich, give to the poor, and while you’re at it take the lives of the rich as well. If you don’t believe me, study the Kulaks in Russia. 

Communism has not worked ever since it was a social experiment in Russia in 1917 and brought about the sweepingly corrupt government the West has studied at length.

Lenin had the blood of millions on his hands, as did his pathological successor Stalin.

The more we regulate the quota for people in the work force, the more the competitive spirit is stripped out of the man. And this is just what communism led to, in all of its diabolical outcomes. 

In fact, communism’s aim in practice was to make everyone the same. To take away our differences. To get everyone in line. 

But we are individuals! We are not groups fundamentally. The individual is important, and unique, and possessed with a precious soul. Not the group!

This is not to say we should be free of equality of outcome completely. But it should be an absolute last resort. We are not free from error as a people. Not by a longshot. 

Racism does still exist in America. And sexism. Add to that some other isms. We’ve got our work cut out. 

At the same time, we’ve got laws to protect discrimination. And tremendous opportunity to modify laws where needed.

But just as my grandfather—a World War 2 vet nonetheless—told me: “this country isn’t perfect, but it’s the best there is.”

We have the greatest opportunity in the history of mankind. Let us pause for a moment and be grateful for what we have been gifted by our ancestors, and almighty God. At the same time let us stop trying to control the ambitious spirit. 

meaning that goes deeper than the desk

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Relationship is the basis of human existence. Without that, you don’t have much of anything. 

So why are people trying to find purpose in their work? Let’s explore this. 

In a 2019 article, “Workism Is Making Americans Miserable,” Derek Thompson points out as America becomes less religious, people are actually worshipping their work. 

This, he says is leading to greater bouts of anxiety, and burnout. 

Its like cutting open an apple, pulling out the seeds, and throwing them into the ground. 

Only a chemically imbalanced person will expect a pear tree to come up. Work was never meant to give us the purpose we long for. 

We want to do good. We want to be good, and make an impact for humanity. Though work can give you a glimpse of this sort of lofty goal, it will always leave you pining for more. 

Even introverts will open up to someone, or a small group of people.

Thompson wrote, “A culture that worships the pursuit of extreme success will likely produce some of it. But extreme success is a falsifiable god, which rejects the vast majority of its worshippers. Our jobs were never meant to shoulder the burdens of a faith, and they are buckling under the weight.”

No doubt about it. I can find myself the most connected to people when in a group of five people or less. There are enough people to share a good sense of community, and still few enough to share intimacy. 

I think this is why Jesus chose 12 disciples and not 1200. Its harder to go deep with the more people leaning in.

Isn’t this why podcasts are all the rage now? In 2006 only 22 percent of Americans had heard of podcasting, yet now there are 120 million podcast listeners (https://www.statista.com/topics/3170/podcasting/). The most common format of the shows I listen to are one peron interviewing another person. In this conversation you share a one-on-one experience between two human beings, another way of fostering community. 

Relationships are and always will be where people find strength. Not in work. Its often in play, and usually in play with others where people find the strength of community. 

When I worked at Walmart, my store manager said about her job, “everyone is replaceable.” A coworker told me one time, “Why do you care about a job where if you died they would have your job opening posted before your obituary was.” 

So why put such stock in a job where, at the most you may find some sense of transcendent satisfaction from creating a service or product someone will deeply enjoy, and at the least, where you could even be making things worse? 

Its about people. And that’s not just a sexy slogan everywhere from the backs of semis to indeed.com job postings. But at the end of the day, it is about people. 

So why not suck the marrow from this life through the path of your relationships? Every last ounce of joy in this life where suffering is guaranteed.

I like this end goal for work from Thompson…

“On a deeper level, Americans have forgotten an old-fashioned goal of working: It’s about buying free time. The vast majority of workers are happier when they spend more hours with family, friends, and partners, according to research conducted by Ashley Whillans, an assistant professor at Harvard Business School.”

Why get worked up like so many people, especially men, do, as though their job would singularly save or destroy the whole lot of humanity?

Why lose so much peace for so little?

Oxford defines perspective as this: a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view.

Attitude, it has been said, is everything. No point in trying to cram everyone’s purpose or sense of meaning into your job. Carpe Diem means, “seize the day.” 

Do it for your friends. Do it for your family.

Work at something noble, build relationships through your work, and get paid.

Don’t think too deeply into the work itself.

Our desks were never meant to define us. 

Unifying culture through guides and spirit: VAGRS, part 2

We covered two of the first four concepts of VAGRS in the last post to help you bring a diverse workplace into alignment. By setting the tone through Values and Goals, you need to also remember the help guidelines bring to our people. It’s a breath of fresh air in an age of abundant information.

Rules

Have you ever had a job where you went home at night without knowing if you were doing the right things? You maybe weren’t sure if you were meeting your leader’s expectations?

If not, great for you! You are definitely in the minority.

For the rest of us, it can be unsettling. A large reason for this anxiety is rules were not established. 

Maybe you’ve thought:

“How much am I expected to produce?”

“I’m more effective in late morning, and someone came in two hours after me.  Can I do the same?”

“Who can I go to if I have questions about my assignments?”

Rules will give you a great indication of how tight or relaxed the environment is you work in. 

And rules get a bad rap for good reason. You’ve seen organizations bogged down by unenforceable minutiae that looks like a lawyer cooked up while twisting his mustache. But it doesn’t have to be diabolical. 

Rules are meant to keep us on a safe path, and that path should be a fun one! In fact, feel free to use that—have fun!

In light of this, I would encourage you to develop some positive rules.

Consider these: “Attitude determines altitude,” “Character is who you are when no one is watching,” “Take risks and make mistakes.”

Rules are like guardrails. They keep people on the path to a destination. And they also protect people from danger. 

A company without rules gets people going into all sorts of directions. 

This spirals the motivation of your organization out of bounds and sends all types of sideways energy into your ranks. 

You need rules, policies, or guidelines not only to bring great unity for the future of your company. 

People have a variety of expectations based upon their family culture, or neighborhood of origin, in America or abroad.

Think of all the great black, white, yellow, brown, young, old, foreign and domestic people you want in your tribe. Diversity of backgrounds fosters a somewhat of a greenhouse effect on your organization. 

It brings about all types of unique ideas that would be impossible for people from just one background.

Because you need diversity, you NEED rules. 

These WRITTEN guidelines will unify your base because they make clear what is expected. 

They will get people going home with a peace of mind, knowing they did everything they could that day not only based on their own societal scripting, but also aligned with the company’s culture. 

And the final element must be modeled by you, the leader. 

Spirit. 

Spirit nurtures great unity in your organization because you become what you see. You are the movie your associates are watching, played out before their eyes every day.

Therefore, YOU must get into the spirit. You must be ENERGIZED to come into work every day. Motivation to complete the mission must run through your veins.

In fact, if you lack this element, you stifle all the others. Listen to metal, watch motivational videos on YouTube, go for a run, spend an hour every day in the yard–whatever you have to do to maintain your spirit for your work. 

You want to stay fresh and focused. 

Because other people are looking. 

It’s what John Maxwell called “The Law of The Picture” in his legendary leadership book, The Irrefutable Laws of Leadership.

You have to give your people the picture you want to see them performing day after day. And you can’t do this without energy. You cannot accomplish this without emotion. 

You must come in motivated every day for people to care about the work. And when you get this spirit down around a clear and compelling vision, people will want to follow you. 

It will be a sort of intangible force greater than the sum of all the seen ones. 

The old saying goes, “he who leads while no one follows is simply taking a walk.”

So walk with zeal. Get yourself motivated! This is not only your job, you are seeing these people more than your spouse! People are watching as you reveal to them you’re your attitude.

Remember this: Attitude determines altitude. 

If you have children you will know this already: they see what you do even when you think they’re not watching. 

So now, ask yourself, what are your VAGRS? What are those Values, Goals, Rules and Spirit that will help you to keep from being a vagrant, wandering aimlessly through the marketplace?

Your associates deserve for you to streamline your expectations. They want you to motivate them through the zeal YOU bring. 

Use VAGRS to bring a clear picture of what you want from each person in the organization, even with its diverse backgrounds.

NOTE: The content in this article was original. However, the four concepts are used from  an online course from Cornerstone OnDemand.

Unifying all your diverse talent–the beauty of VAGRS

Have you ever thought, “Man, I have some amazing talent right here, but everyone is so different, how can I unify them?” 

For high level execution, you need some principles to keep the team grounded. At the same time, you also need that element that will help them soar!

You need some handles on what will take you to the top—together.

For you to be unfied within a diverse organization, I want you to remember the term vagrant. 

And you want to be the opposite of that—not a person without a home who drifts from one opportunitiy to the next. 

But acronyms are great ways to retain concepts. 

Now take “VAGRANT” and drop the last three letters… and add an “S.”

You now have VAGRS.

Let me introduce to you this helpful concept that will help people with various backgrounds to complement each other. 



Values

Your values are what set you apart. They are your secret sauce. They make you unique as an entity.

Values are defined by the Oxford dictionary as “A person’s principles or standards of behavior; one’s judgment of what is important in life.”

When you define what is important, this brings clarity. Your employees want clear expectations. They want to know what you stand for, and also what is expected of them.

I recall working overnights as an assistant store manager for a large retail chain. Our company had some amazing values, including integrity and excellence. 

But when my store manager came in the morning to check up on me, she complained on what was not done though she did not set the expectations. “You didn’t tell me that,” I would say.

Then she would say something like, “Well, you should have known.”

But down the road, this manager did not last at our store. She fostered such a toxic environment, employees did not want to be around her. 

Its been said, an organization with clear values will eventually eject anyone not aligned with those values no matter how talented.

And strive to live by your values. Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “Who you are speaks so loudly I can’t hear what you’re saying.” You can write anything down, but unless you commit, those values don’t mean anything. 

Your associates want to know your values not only on a long term, corporate basis. But also your personal values in regard to work. 

What are your priorities?

What is important to you?

If you had to choose the central thing you want them to accomplish during their shift what would it be?

So put it out there, clear and concise, and they will thank you out loud or through solid execution.



Goals

Your goals bring alignment into your organization because they give people a focus on where the whole team is headed. Or, as Oxford says, a goal is: “the object of a person’s ambition or effort; an aim or desired result.”

A goal is what you are shooting for. Think of a soccer team. 

Wouldn’t it be ridiculous if a forward stole the ball from the other team, he dribbled it toward his goal, then passed it to his teammate who started to dribble straight out of bounds. 

He takes the car to a minivan, kicks it into the front grill and the alarm goes off sending the lights blaring on and off. 

When his teammates ask where he was headed he says, “sorry guys. I know where you were headed but my goal was over there.”

How silly. 

Consider BHAG or big, hairy audacious goals, a term coined by Jim Collins. These big goals have to be easily understood and compelling. 

But its the same thing in an organization. Guys, you have to all be headed toward the same goal.

Everyone regardless of age, ethnicity, or gender or other background should be able to immediately get it. 

I recall when our high school football coach brought in the class ahead of me when they were freshmen. Coach was new at the school, and it would be his first team he would be able to guide for four straight years. He told them to set out some goals of where they wanted to be their senior season. 

One clear goal was to have an undefeated season. They wanted to win the conference outright, and be the best in the area. 

Past success didn’t matter either. Our central Illinois school only had a good enough record to qualify for the playoffs once in the  20 years before them.

But that didn’t deter them. See, when you have big, hairy audacious goals, it doesn’t matter where you’ve been. You can blaze a trail no one has ever seen!

Sure enough, those players were so focused on that goal of not losing a single game their senior season, many of them sacrificed. 

They spent hours in the weight room during the summer when they could have been off into trouble. But they were focused. They had a goal in front of them and they didn’t want to let each other down! 

Its kind of like the donkey with the boy riding on his back. The boy holds a stick with a carrot on the end.  The donkey keeps moving because he’s going for that glistening orange carrot no matter where he takes the boy!

Players reminded each other of the goal. They worked so hard some of them broke records in the weight room. Several of those players stepped into varsity leadership roles as sophomores, and as juniors they helped the team make it to the playoffs for the firs time in decades. 

Then their senior year, they didn’t give up. They worked even harder toward the goal, and guess what?! They didn’t lose a game, and were outright conference champions.

It is just another example that when you have a big, clear common goal, you can do about whatever you want to. Even if its never been done!

As you can see, clear and fearless goals can steer a group of boys from a farm town to great heights. Think of what they can do for your organization!

Be sure to check out my next two steps in VAGRS. They will help you to instill unity in your organization like its nobody’s business!

Now go crush it!

















Actualizing any associate’s A-game (it’s a process)

You as a leader are in a process. 

This is the long haul. You want success, not some dream factory where you can make boatloads of dough on some overnight, hair brained scheme.

You want individuals who will bring all  their talent, their A-game every day. 

They will come wit’ it. They will grind for you. Nothing more, nothing less. 

So how do you achieve great engagement?

First off, let’s define what this looks like.

Gallup says engaged employees are “…involved in, enthusiastic about and committed to their work and workplace.”

Look at that core word: E-N-G-A-G-E.

When two mates are engaged, what do they do? They relate to one another. They are passionate about their relationship. They have each other’s best interests in mind. They care more for the other person than about themselves. They are looking fervently toward the future. 

People enter into a relationship with you and your company for a paycheck, yes, however, their A-game—their commitment comes only when you have satisfied their highest need, the need for them to actualize their potential.

Abraham Maslow called it, self-actualization. 

Maslow developed an influential model called the Hierarchy of Needs. They are starting with the most basic: physiological (air, food, water, shelter), security (from danger), social/emotional (friendships and familial love), esteem (sense of being productive) and the final—self-actualization. 

Engaged couples fawn over each other because they each have something the other person wants, and its past sexual. 

Each person sees that “it”: in the other person. 

Call it falling in love. Again, you see your future with this person. 

Well, the workplace scenario may not be romantic or sound so dramatic, but, there is a special connection both you and your employee can achieve in each other—and it comes right back to relationship. 

Trust the process.

And the process is nurturing your relationship with your people. 

You see something in your employee or, better, associates. 

You see something in them that makes you want to pay them every two weeks. 

They see in you not just dollar signs, but somewhere in there a way to actualize their talents. 

The employee wants to bring to bear his/her talent they’ve thought about often at one time or other. 

This talent is burning inside.

It’s up to you to provide the atmosphere in which it comes out of them. 

Your employee greatly desires this. You maybe want just someone to do the work. But you can have SO MUCH MORE!

A man and his family were on a weeklong cruise. They enjoyed the view from their cabin. Every night they would look out their window while eating cheese and crackers. They loved the cheese and crackers, and were just happy to be along for the ride. 

Then, on the final night the captain went to their quarters, asking why he hadn’t seen them all week. They explained how much they enjoyed the view from down below as well as their cheese and crackers.

The captain was aghast. 

“Why, didn’t you know we have a full buffet on the deck with a much better view?” 

“Well no,” the man said, shocked.

“Yes,” the captain said. “It was all included in the price of your ticket.”

You see, your employees may not realize they have the potential in your organization to do far more than the bare minimum. 

They may be nibbling on the cheese and crackers of the bare expectations, when inside is a banquet to abundantly satisfy all not only the needs, but also the desires of your company. 

So give them permission to crush it. 

Maybe you don’t even know those desires. Maybe they’ve not even come to the surface yet, but for you to reach this place of transcendent self-actualization in your associates, you have to see it in them first. 

Put it this way: for your company to actualize itself, and all its untapped talent, you must commit to actualizing the unique talents in each of your employees. 

And if you’re not committed to seeing them walk in their purpose, don’t even go in it for the dollars. 

There are enough companies coming and going every day crashing and burning because their ambition was only as thin as a Benjamin anyway. 

Let’s talk more about the process. 

Dale Carnegie wrote that every person has eight wants common to all mankind and virtually every one of them can be satisfied by us except one.

In How To Win Friends And Influence People,  he wrote, “But there is one longing—almost as deep, almost as imperious, as the desire for food or sleep—which is seldom gratified. It is what Freud calls ‘the desire to be great.’ It is what Dewey calls the ‘desire to be important.’

“Lincoln once began a letter saying: ‘Everybody likes a compliment.’

William James said: ‘The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.’

He didn’t speak, mind you, of the ‘wish’ or the ‘desire’ or the ‘longing’ to be appreciated. He said the ‘craving’ to be appreciated (p.19).”

When you first commit to knowing your people well, it will be clear the more you listen what their latent talents are, almost by osmosis.

They will be clear to you the more time you listen, investing your energy into their growth. 

NFL coach Pete Carrol calls it, “Learning your learners.”

Making someone feel important is part of that relationship, or, process, we’ve been addressing here. 

Saying words of appreciation like, “thank you,” “job well done,” “You did better than I could have done myself,” “You make the call, I trust you, you know this better than anyone,” are all ways to make those deposits of trust and appreciation. This person starts to feel that importance.

When she actualizes herself, you watch while you’re paying her—watch—she’ll break her back for you.

Building bridges through the principle of process

Principles are the bedrock of any productive lifestyle, family, organization or society. Principles will take you further than you could imagine. 

When you base your thinking and habits off the most tried and tested principles, good things will come to you in time. It may not be some sweeping sexy flash in the pan. 

But those fruits spoil too quickly anyway.

Don’t search for all the bright shiny objects as one author said. Those things that glow and glisten initially excite the eyes. But they are typically the most fleeting, the most temporary and fruitless things you can set your affections to. 

But you are smart! You want to base your methods not on fading fads, but on PROVEN PRINCIPLES. 

One such principle is process.

The phrase, “Trust the process” has become in vogue lately. And for good reason. If someone’s already been through something and has had success, why not join in on the process s/he used? 

Consider the story of Anne Scheiber, a little old lady who worked for the Internal Revenue Service in New York City until she retired in 1943. Her time there was inglorious, as they never raised her wages above $3,150 per year though she had a law degree. 

But she didn’t let that get her down. She was in it for the long haul. 

Furniture in her studio apartment was run down, and she wouldn’t even pay to subscribe to any newspaper, but went to a library once a week to read the Wall Street Journal. Then, seven years after retirement and investing in stocks she saved enough money to invest $10,000 in Schering Plough Corporation stock. 

Well, that initial “nest egg” split, and split again, and again…to eventually produce 128,000 shares and make her dirty rich even by New York standards. 

At 101, Scheiber passed on and became a legend when she left in her will nearly her whole estate to Yeshiva University—$22 million (from 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership by John Maxwell)!

Can you imagine the look on the president of that University’s face? Like, whoa!

Scheiber did not look at it for  the desire to get in and get out. She wasn’t interested in getting rich quick. Scheiber was committed to process, and the principle she embodied can be a key for you in all areas in your life!

It is best to be happy with what you have now rather than wish and pine after that which you could have in the future. 

Even where I work in a metals factory, men generally don’t like their jobs. They make above average wages for our area and spend money on new toys such as trucks and boats, but they still walk in a spirit of lack.

Too many are victims who chose not to obey the law of process as made handy by John Maxwell’s 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership. You need a process. Process leads to results. 

Think about Aesop’s Fable of the Golden Goose.

There was once a golden goose that was her master’s delight. He cared for her and was pleased to find every day a single golden egg in the nest. 

Well, he became rich after taking these to market after finding these eggs day after day. He figured, “why wait? I can have all the gold I want if I just cut open my goose and get all the eggs in her.”

So he did. 

Yet, that left the goose dead, which meant no more golden eggs. 

That which he desired he destroyed by wanting too much too fast. 

But what of human relations? As a leader of an organization, or simply in your circle of influence, what would happen if you chose to listen to someone rather than talking over them to get your point across?

To find out about their day and block out every other thing going on in your brain? To truly care about the other person rather than put your “script” onto them?

Can you imagine the relational “dividends” this would produce in your life? 

Stephen Covey, in one of the most influential leadership books of all time—Seven Habits of Highly Effective People—writes about an emotional bank account. What if instead of making your interactions with people transactional today—give me something I want—you “invested” your full attention to what they are saying, their body language, tone, all of it?

Then you can see where they are coming from and create a stronger, more foundational bridge between the both of you. Most people unfortunately create only a wobbly bridge. It’s the kind you would like to turn back on if you drove over it with your family in tow on vacation.

Nobody wants a relational bridge like that!

No—you want transformational relationships, not transactional ones. The process of slowing down and listening will help in your home, in your business, in your organization. Wherever you meet with people, that selfless respect will transcend those relationships.

Even from Scripture in Philippians 2:3-4 Paul writes: “…in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.(NIV)” 

You see, you can get much more done between people, in finance, in different forms of investment—whether they are human centered or in money, when you commit to the principle of process. YOU build the bridge, making it firm and steadfast; fixed; immovable. 

It’s worth the investment to commit to something you are serious about. So commit to yourself, and commit to others. 

Don’t look to fix others. People don’t want relational Band-Aids. They want relationships. 

Don’t slap a quick fix on your finances. Those ships tend to crash and burn. 

What’s trending can give you some sort of satisfaction now. It can be an indicator on what will happen in the future. However, principles are constant, unchanging, timeless. Principles you can “take to the bank.”

You don’t want your house built on sand, but on the rock that does not move. It can’t be cajoled, adjusted, or bent to anyone’s will. So seek after the principle of process in every aspect of your life and reap the benefits!

That one element behind world-class service

Have you ever found something other people didn’t see as special on the outside, but you were mesmerized by it?

Maybe a trinket in your grandparents’ storage, or a pair of shoes you found at a thrift store. After you found it, it left a great impression. Such is the nature of world-class service. 

When you find it, you can’t help thinking about how special it was later on. That experience stays with you. 

Guest relations leader Horst Schultze specializes in creating the world-class service culture. He spoke about taking an unconventional route to service as a career on the Andy Stanley Leadership Podcast.

When Schultze was a boy he told his parents he wanted to work in the service industry.

They thought he was misguided, wondering why he didn’t want to go into something more lucrative like business. 

But Schultze made a living of it, and made Ritz-Carlton synonymous with preeminent service. 

He is famous for communicating the value of work to employees regardless of their title with this phrase: “ladies and gentlemen taking care of ladies and gentlemen.”

During a managerial tour of one of his hotels, Schultze noticed a dishwasher not washing the dishes quite right.

Instead of complaining about it and embarrassing the chap, he stopped the circuit and entered the kitchen. 

He stood alongside the dishwasher, showing him the right technique and explaining it right in front of him. 

This lasted for quite a while, and employees were amazed as they walked past, to know a manager of managers took the time and interest in the details of their job. 

This is one of the ways Schultze personified the philosophy of “ladies and gentlemen taking care of ladies and gentlemen.”

No job is beneath you regardless of what level you achieve in the company, and no job is unworthy of honor. 

Schultze illustrated what John Maxwell called, “The Law of The Picture” in his book, 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership.

Maxwell points out that in leadership, people need to see the picture painted out in front of them from the leader.  Its not enough to just say something, you have to show them. 

Stories engage us, and a story shown to you is better than a dry explanation. 

You are your message. 

Remember in grade school when you brought something to class and talked about it from the front?

Show and tell, right? By seeing the object in front of you the message stays. You take it with you for a long time, in contrast to words. 

When you see something demonstrated in front of you, it’s like a searing in your brain. 

Think for five seconds about the person who made the biggest impact on you in your profession, or in your schooling…

It was almost definitely the person who personally and practically demonstrated those concepts she was teaching. They took the time with you to burn it into your psyche. 

They wanted you to get it, so they went the extra mile with you, or with your class. And it takes energy. But that extra effort makes all the difference in making us remember the lesson. 

That—is the background of great service. It’s the person behind the magic, weaving it all together, showing how to put someone before yourself. 

It makes great business. But essentially, it’s just the right thing to do. 

Serving is the right thing to do in business. 

To give is better than to receive, especially when relating with guests. When you find a clean hotel with the right kind of people in a clean environment, you’ve found a winner. Don’t overlook that experience. 

Remember that one for a long time, because you’ve found something special.