You can be an overcomer, though it’s not easy. But every worthwhile accomplishment takes work.
Fatherlessness effected me more than words can say. I’ll say from the outset my biological dad and I are on good terms now. I can go to him for anything, and he would listen.
But the lack of that influence of simply being around stunted my growth as a boy, as a man, and as a human being.
It had to do the same for him in his dad-less home.
“As he grew from a little boy to a man, he never felt the scratch of a father’s whiskers. Never heard his dad’s soothing voice reading him a bedtime story. Never tossed about a ball in the backyard. Never had his hair tussled, never wrestled, and never heard a truck door at the end of the day indicating that a dad was about to reenter the family orbit. So he was basically left to guess how to be a man, husband, and father (Patrick Morley in a Rapt interview https://raptinterviews.com/features/patrick-morley).”
So this blog is more about showing you masculinity.
How to not guess, so you don’t walk in ignorance. This is so other men without fathers or with fathers who are there only in body and not in spirit, can take heart.
I did it. I grew up to be a productive member of society, earning a college degree, writing a couple of books, seeing 2/3 of the United States. You can do big things, too.
This blog is meant to give you courage, confidence, and support.
And I will say, I am a Christian. My favorite thing to do in life is to walk with young men in their struggles. To pray for them, and to see them become like Jesus.
I base my life on the teachings, the death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. He can heal your most broken places.
But no matter where you are—serving God or not—we all need men of character who can show us masculinity in a positive way.
My head football coach, Scott Tonsor, was a man’s man. He stood a solid-framed 6’2”, about 220 pounds, and had a full mustache and head of hair that looked like fire.
And he yelled. That seemed pretty cool to a fatherless boy.
He was only 11 years older, so it was more like he was a big brother than a domineering father, but he filled both roles for me.
One day in the summer as my friends and fellow teammates were preparing to drive to a seven-on-seven scrimmages, I quickly considered my options.
Would I go with my buddies where we would smoke cigarettes and tell perverted jokes before we compete in something that was extrememly special?
Or would I go with Coach, who had more wisdom and passion than all of us combined?
It was a choice I had to make as I walked out to the vehicles behind the school where we met. I went with Coach. And that made all the difference.
Though we didn’t say much (we were both of German stock in a rural farming town—that could have been it), every once in a while he would ask me a question, eyes burning with fire. Most of the time more is caught than taught.
And we made these trips over and over during those hot summer days.
He loved coaching football, and everyone around him could tell it was his life’s passion. Tonsor just loved running practices, strategizing during Friday night games, the thrill of triumph. This was his bread and butter, and he ate it up.
More is caught than taught. When you are with someone you admire, you can catch more from them just by being around them.
So take ownership of your life.
Find a man you admire with integrity.
Sit with him. Walk with him. Work with him. Ask questions about
what you want to assimilate into your own life.
Perspective 